


even when i lose my head

by stupidgaytree



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Memory Loss, Missing Scene, Selectively Mute Character, Sign Language, Spoilers for Episode 29, compliant with 28 & 29 as far as i can tell, feat. my assumption that the differences in danis appearance while feral were permanent, if none of you will write about dani then I Will, mentions of blood and minor wounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 04:45:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19221856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidgaytree/pseuds/stupidgaytree
Summary: “Bar...clay?” Dani asks. The words come out raspy and quiet. Her throat feels sore. All of her feels sore, actually. Barclay takes in another breath, sharper and faster.“Dani?” he says. She frowns and blinks a few times, not sure why it’s a question. Before she can figure it out, he continues, “How are you feelin’, kid?”“...Ugh. Bad?”“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah. You’re gonna be fine, though.”“What… why am I in the springs?”--Dani's lost some time.





	even when i lose my head

**Author's Note:**

> title from "guillotine" by jon bellion, which would have fit better except i had no idea where i was going with this while writing it lmao oh well  
> @teamsweetflips on tumblr

Dani wakes slowly and reluctantly, like her brain’s unwilling to leave her dreams behind. She doesn’t think she had any dreams, but it’s hard to be sure; everything is a fuzz and her head hurts a lot. She cracks her eyes open, expecting bright light from the blinds, but instead the world is dark and unfocused. She hears bubbling water --  _ like the spring _ , she thinks groggily -- and feels someone holding her up, breathing slow just behind her head. She recognizes him before she realizes it.

“Bar...clay?” she asks. The words come out raspy and quiet. Her throat feels sore. All of her feels sore, actually. Barclay takes in another breath, sharper and faster.

“Dani?” he says. She frowns and blinks a few times, not sure why it’s a question. Before she can figure it out, he continues, “How are you feelin’, kid?”

“...Ugh. Bad?”

“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah. You’re gonna be fine, though.”

“What… why am I in the springs?”

Barclay’s quiet for a minute. Dani tilts her head back to look at him, though her neck complains a lot. His hair is disheveled, he has a big bruise blooming on his jaw. He won’t meet Dani’s eyes, but he looks… kind of scared.

“What happened?” She realizes her teeth feel alien in her mouth, for lack of a better word. She shifts back to sitting normally and brings her hand up to her mouth. Her fangs jut more from her lips than they normally do. “Barclay?”

“What do you remember?” Barclay asks her, and his voice is gentle, but Dani’s heart immediately starts to hammer in her chest. She squirms in his arms, trying to get a look at her reflection in the water, but her eyes catch on the scratches on Barclay’s forearms first. Barclay notices. “Dani, you’re okay. You’re okay. Stay still.”

“I got knocked out. Something knocked me out.” She remembers that, at least. “Barclay, what happened? Who scratched you?”

“We don’t have to talk about it right now.”

“I want to. I wanna know. Is it the abomination?” She wants to recoil from her own words. She drags her eyes off the scratches and freezes as she sees herself in the water, for just a second before a little wave distorts the image.

“No, the abomination didn’t get me,” Barclay says. Her heartbeat in her ears almost drowns him out, but not quite. “It got you. I don’t know… how long it had you. But.”

Dani goes to grip at his arms, but her fingers graze a scratch and she cringes away. There’s blood under her nails, she realizes, staring at them. Barclay’s arms disappear for a moment, but then he’s dropping into the spring beside her. Dani only holds out for a moment before she dives for him, hugging him tight and burying her face in his shirt. She doesn’t want to look at him, and she doesn’t want to see her face in the water.

Dani just cries for a while, Barclay hugging her tight. At one point, she pulls her arm free, and still not looking at him, signs, “Is everyone else okay?”

Barclay doesn’t say anything long enough that Dani starts crying harder. She doesn’t remember  _ anything  _ that happened, and she doesn’t know if she wants to, but she can’t help but imagine it. Barclay hugs her tighter and says, slowly, “The  _ monster…  _ got a few humans. Unrelated to you. And,” he hesitates.

Dani waits.

“It wasn’t you,” Barclay says, “But when you turned up, someone tried to shoot you. Ned… took it instead.”

Dani drops her hand. Ned got  _ shot _ because of her. And she didn’t even remember it. If she tried, maybe she could imagine the sound of it. Maybe that was why her head hurt so fucking much.

She feels Barclay rest his chin atop her head as she stares at his flannel. “He might have made it,” he admits, “I didn’t really stick around to see.” Then he pauses. “But either way. I am awfully glad it wasn’t you.”

She finds it hard to share the sentiment. Someone  _ died _ because of her.  _ Ned _ died because of her. But she doesn’t tell him that.

Dani closes her eyes, raises her hand, and signs, “Thank you.”

Barclay laughs, short and rough and choked. “Don’t mention it.”

She falls back asleep, hoping she won’t remember her dreams.

*

The next time she wakes, it’s to someone shaking her shoulder. Jake’s voice says, “Dani. Dani, we gotta go.”

She jolts upright, blinking around. She’s in the lobby of Amnesty Lodge, on the couch, with a towel that feels like it might have been warm ten minutes ago wrapped around her shoulders. And Jake is staring at her face. Blood-red eyes reflect in his goggles before he shoves them up his forehead and hugs her hard.

“It looks cooler than you think it does,” he mumbles, and Dani thinks she’s gonna start crying again. “Also I haven’t seen you in like, two days, but we have to  _ go.” _

“Where are we going?” Now that she can see past him, she realizes it's not just her and Jake. Moira’s form flutters by the door with Barclay, who’s got a big bag slung over his shoulder and another two in his hands.

“Our cover’s a bit blown, dear,” says Moira.

“Where’s Mama? And the--” She bites her tongue, and it  _ hurts.  _ She knows where one of the Pine Guard is.

“We don’t know,” Barclay says. “But the, ah, good old governments on our asses because a whole lot of people saw some undeniable proof a few days ago.”

Oh, right. They’d seen her gone fucking feral and probably try to kill someone. At least.

“So we gotta hide out. Everybody else is already gone. Duck and his little Chosen One gang are helping us out while Aubrey takes care of some… other stuff with Janelle.”

“Duck’s  _ what?  _ With  _ who?” _

Jake stops hugging her, but he keeps an arm around her and helps her up. She’s still sore all over, and everything is happening at once and she still doesn’t know what  _ everything  _ is. “I’ll fill you in,” he says, and grabs her hand. “Promise.”

Dani casts a last look over the lobby as they all walk out the door. It’s dark, with the shades drawn and no lights on. Even with the furniture dragged around, it looks ready to be a home if someone would just walk in and start cleaning up.

Barclay locks the door. In the low light of the morning, their little group starts walking. Jake starts to tell her everything she had missed, holding onto her hand tight even when she flinches.

She doesn’t remember if she dreamed at all. She’s glad. This is more than enough.


End file.
